I was visiting my parents recently and happened to pick up the local newspaper, which was sitting on the kitchen table. There on the front page, was the big news of the day, “Lost Items Collected In Lost And Found.” I’m not making this up. I actually had to read it several…
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Chickens In the brothel
Jane wanted chickens. Live ones. “Four of them,” she told me matter-of-factly. She thought about it some more then said, “No six. Yes, six. And red.” “Six red chickens,” I repeated, not looking up. We were having lunch outside, as it was an unseasonably warm day. I was trying to…
Wild Parties
They found him there the next morning, passed out cold. It was clear what had happened, as the evidence lay strewn all about him on the front lawn of the Baker Lake Resort. So when Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper for the Baker Lake, Washington resort arrived in the morning for work,…
Santa Accused of Assaulting Third Elf
In a stunning new development, in what has been a month of developments, a third elf has come forward to accuse Santa Claus of sexual harassment and retaliatory behavior. The yet unidentified elf has come forward with claims that Mr. Claus made unwanted sexual advances while they were flying over…
Research Suggests Dicks Pics A Failure
Dear Men: We have recently concluded an exhaustive study, including numerous discussions with persons of the female gender, and have determined that the once hopeful program, “Digital Genitalia Distribution in Order to Influence and Entice Women” through the act of sending pictures of your penis via digital means, has not only been…
The Value of Fasting
I’ve been a lot of thinking lately about a certain corned beef sandwich, preferably grilled with butter, on a nice sturdy rye, with mustard and melted swiss. There’s a perfect pickle there as well. It’s a fantasy that is currently knocking about in my head. I’m on day six of what…
An Abundance Of Deficiency
The American grocery store, or supermarket as they are sometimes called, is a thing of freakish wonder to begin with. The sheer volume of goods, most of it not real food, is astounding and frightening. The latest trend are the gourmet grocery stores like Fresh Fields and Trader Joe’s. They…
In Defense Of Sarcasm
by David Todd McCarty | Wednesday, June 1, 2016 We, the members of the internet, just wanted to say a few words in defense of you who so diligently keep us informed on Facebook and other social media outlets to all the vital conspiracy theories, racist rants, urban myths, and…
Death of A Village
It’s a strange thing to lose a town, especially one in which you are currently living, but that seems to be the case for the town I’ve called home for almost 20 years. Many of my neighbors have been here for as many as eight generations. The village of Goshen,…