Originally published in New Jersey Monthly Along the shores of Tuscany grow wild, salty shrubs that sailors, long ago, claimed to be able to smell long before they could actually see land. It was this distant scent that alerted them that home was near. Although I have never spent time at…
Posts Written ByDavid Todd McCarty
Lost and Found
I was visiting my parents recently and happened to pick up the local newspaper, which was sitting on the kitchen table. There on the front page was the big news of the day, “Lost Items Collected In Lost And Found.” I’m not making this up. I actually had to read it several…
Chickens In The Brothel
To be honest, I’d never really given chickens a lot of thought. I like to eat them – I like an omelet now and again, but that’s about it.
Wild Parties
They found him there the next morning, passed out cold. It was clear what had happened, as the evidence lay strewn all about him on the front lawn of the Baker Lake Resort. So when Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper for the Baker Lake, Washington resort arrived in the morning for work,…
A Brief History of Violence
I’m the guy no one sees. An invisible man in a city of millions. Oh, it’s not hard to be invisible in the city—not like back home in Calumet, Oklahoma where we had a whopping 553 people in the whole town—well, until I left, and then I guess it was…
Santa Accused of Assaulting Third Elf
In a stunning new development, in what has been a month of developments, a third elf has come forward to accuse Santa Claus of sexual harassment and retaliatory behavior. The yet unidentified elf has come forward with claims that Mr. Claus made unwanted sexual advances while they were flying over…
The Tavern
Horseshoes and cowboy boots In the middle of the South Jersey that is. Blue collars, red hats, white faces Action news proclaims the world is ending Day drinkers and golfers don’t seem to notice Sit wherever you like, she says Taco Tuesdays Beer and a shot is the special Camo…
White, Red and Blue
There was another one According to the news Excessive force they say Union says differently Video is hard to watch White shirt stained red Keep calm they say Everyone is innocent Until proven not guilty When you wear blue
They Go Flat
“They go flat,” she said. “What goes flat?” I asked. “The cats,” she said and motioned to the old black cat laying on its side on the deck. She sucked on the crab leg she was pointing with and continued, “They go flat in the summer.” I looked over at…
Research Suggests Dick Pics A Failure
Dear Men: We have recently concluded an exhaustive study, including numerous discussions with persons of the female gender, and have determined that the once hopeful program, “Digital Genitalia Distribution in Order to Influence and Entice Women” through the act of sending pictures of your penis via digital means, has not only been…