There is nothing funnier in the world than seeing a grown man pretending to be a professional athlete. You’ve seen them. Pushing 40. Beginnings of a pot belly. Wearing the jersey with someone else’s name on the back. Like any minute they’re going to get the call, “Jimmy, we need…
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A Proper Barbershop
There’s no better feeling in the world than walking out of a proper barbershop having just had a wonderful experience and looking and feeling your best. It’s transcendent. It’s a wonderful experience—when done right anyway. The problem, for me, is I hate taking the time necessary to get a haircut,…
Home For The Holidays
Everyone wants to be home for the holidays, even if only in our dreams, or so says the old carol. Thanksgiving and Christmas are especially difficult times to be away from home. Our thoughts are packed with memories and emotions that at times, quite literally, define who we are, and…
Bias And The Romance Of Violence
I love violence in movies. I love a good fight scene. I love watching kick-ass military elites take out a platoon of enemy combatants. I cheer for the good guys and curse the bad guys. And there’s nothing like a scene where the good guy knows karate and just goes…
Walk A Mile. Check My phone.
I recently purchased a Fitbit, a wristband computer that records your steps, heart rate, etc. If records a ridiculous amount of information and displays it all in these cool graphics on your phone. Nothing like a little mild OCD to help motivate you to lose weight. Walk a mile. Check…
How I Gained The Weight
Everyone will tell you how they lost the weight. They can’t wait to tell you how they lost the weight. But no one tells you how they gained the weight. I’m sure it’s no mystery. Eat shitty. Sedentary lifestyle. Booze. Well, this is my story. I went to the doctor…
In Praise of Subtlety
We live in a loud world. The music. The traffic. The colors. The entertainment. The styles. The music. It’s all deafening. Kanye and Kardashians. Big egos and asses. Poster children for the era we currently find ourselves in. All hype. No humility. Even the written word seems to have gotten…
Nothing’s Ever The Same As It Ever Was
Nostalgia (n). 1. A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. When looking through old photographs, we often say things like, “Look at this picture of me from when I was younger.” But as my wife would tell you,…
A Fire In The Fireplace
My wife Jane thinks it’s silly to talk about having a fire in the fireplace. “Where else would you light a fire? The sink?” she’ll say. I guess she has a point, but it sounds strange to simply say, “I think I’ll start a fire” then walk into the other…
It’s Scarf Season Motherfuckers
It’s scarf season motherfuckers. That’s right. I’m breaking out my scarves and there’s nothing you can do about it. Black ones, grey ones, yellow ones. Linen, wool, cotton. Long, wide, frayed, infinite loop, keffiyeh. I’ve got em all. And yet, I just bought two more. I’ve always said that fat…