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Angry Dave

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Research Suggests Dicks Pics A Failure

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
August 25, 2016
4 Min read
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Dear Men: We have recently concluded an exhaustive study, including numerous discussions with persons of the female gender, and have determined that the once hopeful program, “Digital Genitalia Distribution in Order to Influence and Entice Women” through the act of sending pictures of your penis via digital means, has not only been unsuccessful, it has actually been a determent to our goal of attracting women in general. Among the top respondents of the survey were the following:...

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The Value of Fasting

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
July 15, 2016
18 Min read
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I’ve been a lot of thinking lately about a certain corned beef sandwich, preferably grilled with butter, on a nice sturdy rye, with mustard and melted swiss. There’s a perfect pickle there as well. It’s a fantasy that is currently knocking about in my head. I’m on day six of what is a planned two week fast. I say planned because with these kind of things, it’s like the people in the rooms say, “You have to take it one day at a time.” I recognize the truth in this statement. I can’t think about...

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An Abundance Of Deficiency

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
July 10, 2016
3 Min read
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The American grocery store, or supermarket as they are sometimes called, is a thing of freakish wonder to begin with. The sheer volume of goods, most of it not real food, is astounding and frightening. The latest trend are the gourmet grocery stores like Fresh Fields and Trader Joe’s. They have aisles of packaged goods marked organic or vegan with a new list of ingredients you’ve never heard of. National soda brands are gone, but there are plenty of fruit juices that will rot your teeth just...

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In Defense Of Sarcasm

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
June 1, 2016
5 Min read
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by David Todd McCarty | Wednesday, June 1, 2016 We, the members of the internet, just wanted to say a few words in defense of you who so diligently keep us informed on Facebook and other social media outlets to all the vital conspiracy theories, racist rants, urban myths, and fear-based flotsam and jetsam. You provide a valuable public service and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s takes a special kind of selfless public servant to regularly pass along obviously suspect information...

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Death of A Village

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
April 23, 2016
3 Min read
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It’s a strange thing to lose a town, especially one in which you are currently living, but that seems to be the case for the town I’ve called home for almost 20 years. Many of my neighbors have been here for as many as eight generations. The village of Goshen, New Jersey was first settled in 1693 by Aaron Leaming who raised cattle on the land. By 1710, there was a settlement and sometime around 1725, my home was built. It’s called the Tavern House and was a tavern and stagecoach stop during the...

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A Genius In The Closet

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
April 23, 2016
3 Min read
2 comments
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When I was in the fourth grade, we had a genius who lived in my closet and smelled of garlic. He lived on the third floor of our house in Hatfield, Pennsylvania, slept at odd hours of the day, and kept his mail in our cereal cabinet. It’s a credit to my absolute belief in the normalcy of my family, that I didn’t find this strange in the least. The genius and I shared the third floor, which was basically a converted attic. His bed was near a large walk-in closet and that is where he...

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Sex And Violence In America

By David Todd McCarty
In Essay
December 29, 2015
5 Min read
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We’ve got our priorities in this country completely out of whack. Conservatives cry about the destruction of the institution of marriage because two people they feel threatened by want to get married, but support everyone’s right to shoot someone in the face if they feel threatened. They complain about sexuality being cheapened if we somehow glimpse the naked human body, but throw caution to the wind when it comes to marring off a man to a hoard of bimbos on reality television. They say it’s...

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