Whistling Gopher: (n) A mark who departs with a whistle of disbelief after he hears the price of your ride or show or product. I was a showman on the Midway. People said I had sawdust in my blood. An honest to God assman, yessiree. That’s an A&S Man…
An Abundance Of Deficiency
The American grocery store, or supermarket as they are sometimes called, is a thing of freakish wonder to begin with. The sheer volume of goods, most of it not real food, is astounding and frightening. The latest trend are the gourmet grocery stores like Fresh Fields and Trader Joe’s. They…
Uncle Bill’s
He sits in a booth in Uncle Bill’s Pancake House. The corner one near the window. He gets there early, before the crowds, and gets the same thing every time. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just that it’s the same and that there aren’t many people. He doesn’t like…
In Defense Of Sarcasm
We, the members of the internet, just wanted to say a few words in defense of you who so diligently keep us informed on Facebook and other social media outlets about all the vital conspiracy theories, racist rants, urban myths, and fear-based flotsam and jetsam. You provide a valuable public…
Death of A Village
It’s a strange thing to lose a town, especially one in which you are currently living, but that seems to be the case for the town I’ve called home for almost 20 years. Many of my neighbors have been here for as many as eight generations. The village of Goshen,…
To Bellplain With Bob
We’d been hearing for several days about the snowstorm. They made it sound like it was going to be quite a doozy. Of course, if it’s going to be more than a few inches in our neck of the woods, they start calling it a blizzard. It comes complete with…
Sex And Violence In America
We’ve got our priorities in this country completely out of whack. Conservatives cry about the destruction of the institution of marriage because two people they feel threatened by want to get married, but support everyone’s right to shoot someone in the face if they feel threatened. They complain about sexuality…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Eight
Santa I didn’t believe in Santa Claus as a kid. Ever. It just wasn’t part of our culture growing up. You might think that’s sad, but I never felt like I was missing out on anything. Frankly, I think I would have been pissed once I found out I was…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Seven
Christmas Eve Christmas Eve in my parents house was not a time for presents, egg nog, extended family or any particular food item. It was the night before the event, not the event itself. Our main tradition on Christmas Eve was to go to church. We’d grumble a little maybe,…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Six
Christmas Presents I love packaging, which is why I used to like wrapping presents so much. I would spend hours and hours wrapping each present by hand (how else would you wrap them?), using brown paper and twine, raffia bows and handwritten notes. I hung tags from them and decorated…