Everyone will tell you how they lost the weight. They can’t wait to tell you how they lost the weight. But no one tells you how they gained the weight. I’m sure it’s no mystery. Eat shitty. Sedentary lifestyle. Booze. Well, this is my story. I went to the doctor…
A Little Slice Of Heaven
There is nothing more satisfying, more perfect, or even more mystifying, than a perfect slice of pizza. When done properly, pizza contains the perfect blend of chewy textures, combined with salty, acidic and smokey flavors, all in a food you can eat with your hands. And it’s cheap! However, finding…
In Praise of Subtlety
We live in a loud world. The music. The traffic. The colors. The entertainment. The styles. The music. It’s all deafening. Kanye and Kardashians. Big egos and asses. Poster children for the era we currently find ourselves in. All hype. No humility. Even the written word seems to have gotten…
Why Your Children Are Up Your Ass
“Our kids don’t really know how to play independently, seldom get lost in their imaginations, and are always two feet away from us. It drives us nuts. You’d think we spoiled them rotten but it sure doesn’t seem like we did. I’ve written about this as a cultural phenomenon…
Halloween Is Not for Everyone
“It’s almost that time of year when underage kids get into costume and traipse around the neighborhood ringing doorbells and begging for treats.” When it comes to Halloween, I believe the world is split into two groups: those who love Halloween, and those who think it’s a pointless waste of…
Nothing’s Ever The Same As It Ever Was
Nostalgia (n). 1. A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. When looking through old photographs, we often say things like, “Look at this picture of me from when I was younger.” But as my wife would tell you,…
A Fire In The Fireplace
My wife Jane thinks it’s silly to talk about having a fire in the fireplace. “Where else would you light a fire? The sink?” she’ll say. I guess she has a point, but it sounds strange to simply say, “I think I’ll start a fire” then walk into the other…
Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats. It was the second time I’d heard the song, but the first time I didn’t look up who it was. I was on my way to get a haircut in my rental car, so I was listening to the old-fashioned radio instead of satellite.…
It’s Scarf Season Motherfuckers
It’s scarf season motherfuckers. That’s right. I’m breaking out my scarves and there’s nothing you can do about it. Black ones, grey ones, yellow ones. Linen, wool, cotton. Long, wide, frayed, infinite loop, keffiyeh. I’ve got em all. And yet, I just bought two more. I’ve always said that fat…
I Don’t Do Cards
I don’t do cards. Not for birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, baptisms, funerals or Christmas. Never did. I don’t believe in them. In 1996 I met a woman who didn’t believe in cards either. We were married a year later. I’m not saying that was the only reason, but certainly a contributing…