Christmas Eve Christmas Eve in my parents house was not a time for presents, egg nog, extended family or any particular food item. It was the night before the event, not the event itself. Our main tradition on Christmas Eve was to go to church. We’d grumble a little maybe,…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Six
Christmas Presents I love packaging, which is why I used to like wrapping presents so much. I would spend hours and hours wrapping each present by hand (how else would you wrap them?), using brown paper and twine, raffia bows and handwritten notes. I hung tags from them and decorated…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Five
Christmas Shopping There is a story that is very much a part of the lore of Christmas in my house. It involves my mother and she doesn’t even remember it happening. She was in Macy’s buying a pair of gloves for someone, presumably by father, and there was a line…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Four
Decorating I’ve already covered Christmas Tree decorations, so I won’t be covering that here. If you missed it, go back to Part One and start over. Stop skipping around. These are rules, not suggestions. Today I want to talk about decorating for Christmas. This is something that I accept as…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Three
Exterior Illumination Just like Rusty, my father taught me everything I know about exterior illumination, which is absolutely nothing. My father is not a handy man and I inherited this lack of skill. We never had lights on the outside of our house, or in the trees, or any of…
Twelve Days of Christmas : Day Two
Christmas Music Is Awesome There are a lot of things I hate. There is a lot of music I hate. But I love Christmas Music. Sometimes, when I’m in my car alone, even in the middle of the summer, my iPhone will kick out a Christmas jam, and I just…
Twelve Days Of Christmas : Day One
I fucking love Christmas. I do. I love everything about it. The carols, the decorations, the weather, the movies and TV shows, giving gifts, the food, hell—sometimes—even the Church service. But I’m a traditionalist. And by that I mean, I like Christmas the way it was when I was a…
You’re No Athlete
There is nothing funnier in the world than seeing a grown man pretending to be a professional athlete. You’ve seen them. Pushing 40. Beginnings of a pot belly. Wearing the jersey with someone else’s name on the back. Like any minute they’re going to get the call, “Jimmy, we need…
A Proper Barbershop
There’s no better feeling in the world than walking out of a proper barbershop having just had a wonderful experience and looking and feeling your best. It’s transcendent. It’s a wonderful experience—when done right anyway. The problem, for me, is I hate taking the time necessary to get a haircut,…